It’s been a rough month. My cooking and creativity in the kitchen have been at an all time low. Meals have consisted of store bought grape leaves, hummus, easy fruit and veg, soups…Which, of course, isn’t horrible. It just isn’t “me”. But damnit, it’s been “me” for the last month.
My poor, sweet husband has been so wonderful and accommodating. It’s hard when you go from perfect health and able to effortlessly meet the needs of those you love to suddenly being hospitalized for a week and find yourself still very seriously recovering weeks later!
No one knows what happened to me. But I’ve never been so sick in my life. My body was just shutting down. Things are still (a month later) being investigated and although I’m sooooo much better, I am still in recovery mode. I’ve had so many potential diagnosis and tests ranging from numerous auto immune diseases, cancers (blood and thyroid), infections both viral and bacterial, to possible seizure activity along with multiple neurological exams. Who the fuck knows? There are arrows pointing in all directions symptomatically and physiologically to all sorts of things, but not one solid diagnosis.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am a firm believer, as mentioned in the above photo, of letting “food by thy medicine”. But no matter how healthy we are, there are just some things nature can’t cure. The concept of survival of the fittest might argue that we should die. But we also have evolved larger brains which have led us to modern science and medicine!
What I do know is that despite the very real fear and frustration of not having a solid diagnosis, it has been sobering in the reality that our bodies are fragile. We often take them for granted. I’ve thought a lot about my lifestyle and I firmly believe that being powered by plants, kept me from possibly dying.
Example? Here is one:
Whatever is going on with me, my liver has been affected. It was keeping my blood pressure, cholesterol, enzymes and red blood cells high (all contradictory to my impeccable nutrition). If I’d had a diet of high fats (saturated or unsaturated), empty carbohydrates, excessive alcohol etc, all things that would have drastically raised those levels without having liver problems, it could easily have led to organ failure, a stroke, blood clots, or a heart attack.
We are fragile. Our bodies are mortal and susceptible to illness. This is a fact of life. There is very much an angry part of me that says fuck it, why bother? I should eat whatever I want, stay drunk all day and not care if I’m just going to be sick anyway. But, I believe in life before death. I love my life. And as I pointed out above, if it weren’t for my choices in having a healthy lifestyle, I might not be here today.
Food IS medicine, but sometimes we just need a little extra help.
Vegan – because the only life that belongs to me is my own.